The Five Love Languages

by Gary Chapman · read August 9, 2020


This book elaborates on a useful framework for understanding how we "do" love – conceptualizing love as an action rather than just a feeling. Some of the book's examples and reasoning felt out of touch or simplistic, but thinking through some of the ways we can express and receive love felt fruitful.

We can recognize the in-love experience for what it was—a temporary emotional high—and now pursue “real love” with our spouse. That kind of love is emotional in nature but not obsessional. It is a love that unites reason and emotion. It involves an act of the will and requires discipline, and it recognizes the need for personal growth. Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving.

Julia Rodenburg © 2024